I'm in the best of moods today! I think it's a combination of things that have me so elated. Lover travelled 400kms to surprise me last night, turning up as I finished work at 5. Then we had a beautiful night out, before coming home to snuggle and watch a movie. I also think I'm exhausted from the loss of Cody two days ago. It hit me like a brick and I think that I'm slightly delirious with emotional exhaustion.
It was super sweet of the lover to come up yesterday, knowing how Cody's passing affected me. I have to admit though, that even though I'm in an ecstatic mood, there is this little nagging feeling telling me I shouldn't be happy, with losing Cody so recently. To tell you the truth, I don't know if I should be feeling guilty or not... I've never been in this situation before.
Yesterday (before lover's arrival) I had kind of a revelation about death. It's everywhere, and it happens all the time. Growing up, I just got used to the mentality that only old people die and that I wouldn't have to worry about it for ages. Yesterday I got the harsh shock that it's a whole lot more common than I'd come to believe. People pass away all the time and every now and then, one of those people has touched your life enough to make you stop and take a few breaths. Or even shed a few tears.
I know it's all part of life, but it was a big enlightenment - no that word's too happy. A big... shock? I don't know, I'll think of the word eventually. It just jolted me for a minute and I had to come to terms with the fact that death isn't rare and only for the aged.
Sorry to end such a bright starting post on such a downer... but I don't think it was negative, just a fact of life that came to settle in my brain upon discovery. I'm glad now that my mentality has changed because I'm hoping that in the future, it won't be such a shock to my system when someone young or undeserving passes into the void.
Loves and hugs. JP xx