Thursday, 17 November 2011

Nothing will be gained by blaming others for your misfortune. Jealousy will not get you anywhere, but will only give you restlessness.

I apologise for my extended absence. Much has been going on in my life that is neither interesting nor blog worthy but I have to say, I went to a wedding recently and it was beautiful. I have to admit that I teared up a little, and I honestly didn't think I would. At the end of the day, it was how I felt that I remembered, it was a beautiful day, but all of the stunning decorations and beautiful setting could have been hay in a barn for all I knew. It was that beautiful feeling between the bride and groom that I took home with me. I've never seen two people more in love, and I think that's what triggered my little cry :)

Anyway, apart from that beautiful day and visits from lover not a lot has been going down. I've been looking at my life a lot recently, because I've had time to, and I still feel like I don't know where I am or where I'm going. I look at the relationships I share with people, good and bad, and wonder why they are that way. I'm eternally grateful for all the beautiful people in my life and I'm even grateful for the bad relationships. The snide remarks I've received over the years, while they hurt me, have made me into who I am. I'm stronger and more sure of myself now, and I wouldn't be if those people hadn't tried to get to me.

I don't think I ever want to have an 'I don't care' attitude. I still want all those little things to affect me just as much as they did. And they still do, just not for as long. An unnecessary comment here or there still hurt, and I want it to stay that way, because if I stop caring what people think... I won't feel as, well as human I guess. I obviously wish that we didn't have to feel hurt, but if people are hurting me, then they must be hurting too, and if I were to respond, or bite back or be malicious in anyway, then I'm not really helping am I.

The quote I used to start this entry hit home for me. It's honest and as of today I'm not going to blame anyone else for where I am. Only thank those people that have helped me get here. I won't openly thank those that hurt me, because that would just be kind of weird. I like to think I'm getting wiser, but let's be honest, I'm young and stupid and have a few good years of that left in me, so all I can do is try my hardest to focus on the one thing I don't like about myself and remove it. When I'm done with that one I will move onto the next one.

I just... I don't want to be the jealous girl I sometimes am. And if anybody says that they've never been jealous they are either the happiest person you've ever met, or lying. So just some food for thought :)

Make all around you beautiful with your presence :) JPxx

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